My friend Jennifer and I went to a movie together, and I think this was the first time I let the thought cross my mind that I could possibly be pregnant. I mentioned to her that I was expecting my monthly visitor and on this night, she was about a day late. I think I said, "What if I was pregnant?" Jenn replied with, "Then...that would be fun!" We laughed a nervous laugh, looking at each other with big eyes, then went on to solve all the world's problems before our movie started. We didn't say another word about the "what-if".
Randy and I found out on a Sunday night, July 4th, actually. The next day I had tentative plans to hang out with Jennifer. I could barely sleep that night, and as Randy left for work I was sitting on the couch. Jenn called about three hours later, and I was still sitting on the couch. When I answered, she thought I was asleep. (My kids were visiting their grandparents.) We were planning on going to Zumba at the YMCA that morning. She asked if I still wanted to go, and I burst into tears and sobs as I said, "I don't think I can go to Zumba today, because I'm pregnant!"
I thank the Lord for the friends He has put in my life, and on that morning I knew the Lord gave me that phone call. Jennifer encouraged me, but she knew where I was with this. She has seen me through all of my pregnancies, and she understood immediately that I was not dealing with this in the same way I dealt with any of the others. She loved me through this, and I will forever be grateful to her for just loving me. I have many close friends, but I was not ready to talk about it. It was all because of Zumba that Jenn got to enter my emotional pregnant world.
By the end of the week all of my close friends and family had heard our news. The reactions we received were amazingly encouraging! This was the best way to love on us, and we are so thankful to all of you who have given us support through this. I was given the okay by my doctor to continue with my exercise regimen, but I still had no energy. I walked around the track because I didn't feel like jogging. I thought about going to Zumba, but just thinking about it made me tired.
As the weeks went on my emotions kept getting better. When I say just thinking about being pregnant would cause shear panic, it is really an understatement. I began praying for peace, daily. I would wake up in the mornings and my mind would go straight to an issue I could worry about. My morning ritual is when my eyes open, I pray, "Lord, help me trust you today." My friend Michelle told me when I couldn't sleep to sing in my head "Praise God" to the tune of "Amazing Grace". This has also become a routine which leads to me just praising Him for all He's done in my life, and all that He will continue to do.
So, for the whole month of July I missed going to Zumba. I decided I was going to go tonight. I think Randy even got a little excited for me. On the way there I was thinking how tired I was, and I prayed that the Lord would give me the strength to last through the hour. I walked in, found a place, and began chatting with a friend. The music started, and my body started moving. It remembered everything! Praise Jesus, I did last for the hour!!!! I felt a little different, and I didn't go "all out" like I usually do, but I moved, and sweated, and it felt great!
After taking prayer requests at the end, Kristen said she felt the Lord was laying something on her heart to share. I heard it something like this..."Jesus is peace, and He wants you to have it. We search for joy in so many different places, and sometimes we can grow weary. We look to relationships, exercise, etc. to fulfill us, but it is only Him who can truly give us what we need. Whatever your need, let Him give you the peace that you need." At that moment I knew I was where I was supposed to be on this Thursday night. I felt so much love in the room and this feeling of ultra calm assurance that Jesus hears me. He knows me, He is not going to leave me, and He wants good things for me because I am His child. That was an awesome place to be.
My Jesus knows how much I love this form of exercise called Zumba. Jennifer had been asking me to go with her for a long time, then one night I went with a friend to Northpark to this small room with about 30 ladies. Kristen was instructing, and she was a little ball of fire, full of encouragement. This was a little over a year ago, and I can honestly say there is no form of exercise that I love more than this. The Lord knows my heart, and He placed a love of dance deep down in me. When I am alone, sometimes I turn on praise music, and just dance for Him. It is a form of worship for me. I believe the Lord places a gift in us, and when we use it to praise Him, we are doing what He created us to do. Also, I think it makes Him smile.
So, what is it that you just love to do? Colossians 3:17 tells us, "Whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all unto the glory of the Lord, giving thanks to the Father through Jesus Christ." I am not a professional dancer, but He knows my heart, and He knows that I love it. Give Him what you've got, and He will give you His peace in return. Whatever He's given you, whatever you're good at, whatever you just really enjoy doing, just do it...to the glory of the Lord. I believe He will give you the desires of your heart. I'm praying for peace in the lives of all who read this.