"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted my request." 1 Samuel 1:27 These words were spoken by Hannah as she petitioned the Lord for a child. Many of us find ourselves in her shoes. This prayer started for me as a young child. I knew I wanted children. I prayed the Lord would allow me to be a mama. After losing my mom, I wanted to be a mama even more. Somehow, I wanted to pick up where she left off, and continue a journey til it's very end. I have prayed that the Lord would allow me to be a mother to my children, and my children's children. Thirteen years ago, the Lord blessed my life like never before with a sweet little bundle whom we call Sydney Raina.
Her name is close to my mom's, but it is her own. After I named her, my Mamaw said, "Oh! I named your mother after an actress because I loved her name." You'll never believe what the actress's name was! Sylvia Sydney! Everytime I think of that, I smile! When I was pregnant with Syd, I prayed my heart's desire. I would have loved her just as much if she had been a boy, but I did ask for a girl. I never knew how much I needed this girl! My Jesus did. I know now that I was praying God's desire for my life. Sometimes we need to do that. Pray in faith for something that we want with all of our hearts. It just might be Him nudging us to pray His will.
From the start this girl has been amazing! She has always loved books. She talked like an adult very early. I found myself having grown up conversations with my 2 year old. She has a gift for translating baby talk. She did it with Gracen. For the life of me, I would not know what Gracen wanted, but Sydney would tell me what she was saying, and Gracen would nod her head. I was reminded of this when Aaron was talking to me, and I kept asking him to repeat it. Sydney walked through and told me what he was saying. I just looked at her like, how do you do that?! When she was very little, she got one of those toy piano/xylophone toys. Apparently, one of the pieces was off key. (I never would have known this.) Randy took it to his work bench and hammered it until it played the correct note. I laughed so hard at this, but honestly, I'm so thankful her daddy has the gifts that he does, and that he uses them. My sweet girl plays the piano and sings. She can read music, but she plays mostly by ear. I discovered this when she was in fourth grade. I was fixing dinner and I heard her playing Beethoven. It was good, but I didn't think she had music to play it. I walked downstairs and asked her how she was playing that. She said that she had heard it at school today. Amazing!
She loves to dance, and I love watching. She has always looked deep into my soul with her big ole eyeballs.;) She wants to figure out everything. Her heart is tender, but she is emotionally strong. She doesn't let herself get beat down with the everyday life of a junior high girl. She has let me in when the world has been too much, and for that I am so thankful. She sees my needs, and bless her heart, she tries her best to meet them - at times to the point of a little mama guilt that my girl can read me so well!
I have wanted this birthday to be so special for her. It seemed that so many things were working against that this week, and especially this weekend. Asa has a tournament in Montgomery, which would cause the family to not be together. I had two very sweet friends pray with me, and help me see that it's okay. When you have four children, and 3 are involved in their own activities, even to have one parent attend their events is a blessing. Sydney and Gracen will be performing in their first clogging competition today! We are so excited, and this is a perfect day for Syd - church, then dancing. Just a little while ago, we got a text that Asa's tournament was cancelled. Guess who gets to come see her today?! Her WHOLE family! All grandparents, parents, and siblings together!!!! Woo hoo!!!!! This will make her day! Thank you Jesus, you knew this all along!
I am so thankful for my girl who loves her Savior, her parents, her siblings, friends, and family. I am thankful for the gifts the Lord has put inside of her and that she is learning to use them to give back to Him. I am not finished praying for this child, and I will continue to seek Him for her sake, and I will continue to ask Him to grant my requests on her behalf. I can't imagine all the plans He has for her, but I am so ready to watch them unfold. Thank you Jesus, for our beautiful teenager!
Expectant for all He has for my sweet girl,
Ashley :)
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
iRun (a marathon relay) with My Savior!
"THAT was so fun!" My words after experiencing my first Mercedes Marathon Weekend. I have the privilege of teaching elementary P.E. at Gathering Place Christian Academy, and I decided last summer that we would participate in the Kids' Mercedes Marathon. The kids started in September logging miles. They each had to run 25.2 miles by the end of January. Last Saturday they completed their marathon by running the last mile and crossing the same finish line the Marathoners would cross on Sunday. What an accomplishment these kids have made! I am so very proud of them! Not only did they achieve amazing personal goals, but they motivated their teacher.
I decided to up my game a bit. My longest distance before February was 5 miles. So, I decided to see if anyone would be interested in running the Marathon Relay. It's 26.2 miles broken down into 5 different legs. Each runner runs a certain distance, and as a team, you complete a marathon. How fun does that sound?! So, my new goal was to run 6.05 miles, the 3rd leg of our marathon. There were days that I would get so nervous thinking about race day. What if I couldn't complete it? What if I fell? What if I hurt my foot? And my biggest fear...what if I failed my team? I knew that all of this would only be defeated by knowing that through my Savior, I can do anything! That is the truth, friends! He sustained me, He strengthened me, and He caused me to endure.
So, my goal was set, now I just needed some crazy people who would agree that, they too, wanted to do something so crazy fun. Let me introduce you to them. Our school, GPCA, ended up sponsoring our team. Thanks GPCA! We also had a team in the 5k on Saturday. What an awesome school, with awesome support!
Mikey Keith, runner # 1, started us off with a strong leg! Mikey is an inspiration, and we had the honor of being his teammates as he completed his second full marathon! He is our youngest member on the team, and he and his wife, Julie, are expecting their first child in July. He is also the brother-in-law of teammate #4, Jennifer. Jennifer suggested Mikey as one of our strong runners, and we are so glad he obliged us. Mikey finished his 6.05 in 47:47, and he was 15 out of 250 runners for his leg! He took home the third place trophy in his age division in his latest 10k! He continued to make us proud as we watched him cross the finish line in under 4 hours! Whoop whoop!
Myron Fisher, runner #2, is a Marine – need I say more?! He was recruited by his sweet wife, Yolanda – who is my partner in crime at GPCA. He, too, was chosen because of the strength he could give to our team. He had the hills, and the speed to do it. I told him very little of what we needed from him, but he did not wavered in his commitment to us. I am honored to be on a team with someone who has fought for our country. Myron served us all in Iraq, and now he serves us as he shares this leg on our team. His 2.95 was a quick jog through the park at 26 minutes, and he came in at 22 out of 250 runners for his leg!
Ashley Morrison, runner #3 – me. I began running about 6 years ago. I took a girls’ beach trip, and had planned (and practiced) to run a straight 2 miles for the first time since high school while on this trip. I did it, and ran my first 5k that summer. I rarely run over 3 miles at a time, but last summer I set a goal to run 5 – yes, all at once. My next goal was to run 6.05 in the Mercedes Marathon Relay, and my team helped me reach that goal. I am not a strong runner, just a steady slow runner. "I WILL finish in front of the balloon lady!" It helped to have Mikey and Myron in front of me! So, my goal was to finish in under 1:20.I finished in 1:17:28! My ranking was the lowest on my team, but honestly, I'm still proud...117 out of the 250 runners that ran my leg!
Jennifer Eidson, runner #4, has been my running companion more than any other person, and we both started up our running regimen in the same year. I’m so glad we’re doing this together! She is strong, and she is a runner! She has been smoking me on our runs together lately. She was once the Balloon Lady in our Big Springs 5k, while she was pregnant AND pushing a baby in a stroller. She’s awesome! We call ourselves 2Mamas8kids, and I love that I get to hand off the chip to her. Her most encouraging statement is, “This will be fun!” She planned on finishing her 3.05 in around 35 minutes - and that was exactly what she did! My girl finished 86 out of 250 in her leg!!!!!
Tammy Mathews, runner #5, brought us home in style! Tammy is the female definition of inspiration. She picked back up her running shoes a few years ago on her journey to losing 80 pounds! This is her thing, y’all! She has come in first place 3 times in the Big Springs 5k, in her age group, and once overall for the women. Second place in the Power Run, 3rd overall (women) in the Crosspoint Run, Second in the Jingle Bell Run, and this is not all! Tammy has been my friend since we cheered together in junior high, and I am so glad that she agreed to run our longest, 8 mile, leg. She is thrilled to do it, which makes it even better! She planned to finish in under 1:17. She came in at 1:14:04! 57 out of 250 in the longest leg of the relay!!!!
We all waited to see Tammy come to the finish area, and we all got to run (chase her) across the finish line! She is so fast...even at the end of her race! We all have a race set before us. Each of us is called to do something different. Each of us is given different strengths and abilities in order to get our job done. In case you didn't catch it, I just went spiritual. ;) I want to share with you a little more about what my Jesus taught me through my training, and my race. We finished 64 out of 250 teams. Go MidKnight Runners!
I've never run a race as an "official" team member. There is something bigger about the goal for your team. I'm not a big individual competitor, but put me on a team, and I see the purpose. This was so much fun to me, and the biggest reason are the names, besides mine, listed above. I love that this was my team - our team!
First, I must explain the balloon lady. She was, after all, a huge motivator for me! During the third leg, the half-marathoners would finish their race, and the marathoners and the third leg relay runners stayed to the right. The Balloon Lady was walking at a pace of 13:44, and if she passed you in the third leg, you would be directed to the Half finish line, which meant legs 4 and 5 would NOT run, and the running that runners 1 and 2 ran would have been in vain, and your team would be disqualified. No pressure. So, every practice run had to be under 13 minutes per mile, because you do what you practice. I had day horrors (never nightmares) about seeing her on my runs. I would find balloons in odd places - no joke! In my head she looked like a scary clown. In my spiritual run, the Balloon Lady is everything I'm afraid I will fail. She is my own insecurity, she's my fear of the unkown, my fear of making the wrong choice. My fear of not meausuring up to ...whatever.
Let me tell you how I kept her behind me. "Let (me) strip off every weight that slows me down, especially the sin that so easily trips me up. Let me run with endurance the race God has set before me. I do this by keeping my eyes on Jesus, the Champion, who initiates and perfects my faith!" (My translation of Hebrews 12:1-2a As long as I focussed on what Jesus could do in and through my body, Balloon Lady would always be behind me. Mikey and Myron gave me a fabulous head start on her, but I held my own on my time staying in front of her. During the race, I did go back and wait on her...tell you that in a minute.
I started at the bottom of Highland Avenue. I experienced such a rush waiting for Myron. Looking for him, anticipating the had off. Then, there he was! Right in front of me! I saw Sydney, Gracen, and Asa standing with Randy. Randy was probably telling me not to start to fast. I mean, I was keeping up with these crazy marathoners, and this was still the fast bunch! Throghout my leg, if I got tired (2nd Avenue North - so boring!), I would tell myself, "Jenn's waiting!" "Get to Jenn." "Jenn has to run her race too!" It reminded me that as we are running our spiritual race, there are times where we don't see the point. If we get to that place, remember someone is waiting on you to do your part so they can do theirs. Then, watch. Don't miss your kids and your husband standing over there cheering for you!!!!! There they were, smiling, cheering, holding their cute little signs, reminding me that my job was to finish! Even when I was on 2nd Ave.N. that seemed so straight and long, with not much to look at on either side - just greyness. Right after 2nd Ave. came the excitement of people cheering, and big buildings, and pretty streets. Boring grey prepares us for the fireworks! Then, came my little hill. Yucko! I heard something right here that I hadn't heard before. "Come on, Baby, you can do it." It was totally my mom's voice in my head. Tears rolled a little bit, then pure joy that Jesus brought that out at that moment!
As I rounded behind the BJCC, I knew I was well into my 5th mile, and that I was on the downhill stretch - except that it was an uphill stretch. Then I remembered something else. My daddy was at my finish line. He was gonna be so proud! My pace picked up. I rounded my last corner, and I could tell where the relay station was, but I couldn't see which side to run to. I always kick it up at the end of a race, almost to an obnoxious fault. I was looking so hard for where to go, I was not hustling. Then I realized my feet were about to cross the timing station. I was still confused, then I heard, "Heeeeeyyyyy, Ashley!" My lips parted like the Red Sea, and my cheeks almost hurt I smiled so hard. I said out loud, "That's my Daddy!" as I kicked it into high gear! He was waving, my friends were cheering my name, and I was looking for Jennifer, but I could not find her. I said, "Where's Jenn?!" Then, my friend who is still witty in the midst of chaos, my friend who told me 2 1/2 years ago that my new journey would be fun, said my favorite words of the day. "I'm right in front of you, I look just like you, right here!"(We both had on lime green shirts, black legs, and lime green softball socks...don't know how I couldn't see what was right in front of me.:)
So, I was done. My race was finished. Jenn was gone, but my Daddy was there. You know, your Daddy waits at your finish line too. He has placed people in your life to cheer you on when you're on those boring old roads - are you looking up? He's got all kinds of people for you to meet, like blue hat, and hot pink pants who you might share a conversation with along the way, and receive or give a word of encouragement. Your race might be boring..Run it. Your race may be difficult. Run it. Your race may be uncertain. Run it! Enjoy it! Know that when you're done, your Abba Daddy will yell your name, and He will be so proud of you!
You might just get to be in the Cloud of Witnesses - the ones who have gone on before (Heb 1:1). I think that might feel like this... I waited on the corner that I had passed almost an hour earlier. I knew she was coming. Sure enough, there she was, coming up the hill. She wasn't a scary clown. She was a sweet faced, older lady with balloons. Then I saw him. Fit 2Phat. He was 6 paces in front of her.This was my day horror about to come true for this man dressed in black! "Gooooooooo!" I yelled! "You're almost there, don't let her pass you! Your team is waiting!" He looked at me like he didn't think he could do it. My heart sank. "Jesus." I prayed. "You can do it!" I yelled again. "How much further?" He asked. I smiled as I yelled, "Just over the hill, and then left to finish!" He scared me as he walked to the top of the hill, but then I saw him pick it up and jog, leaving only the Balloon Lady in my sight, and then she was gone. My kids and Randy were with me then, and we walked to the finish line to cheer on our teammates.
We don't know when our race will be done. It's just our job to run it with endurance. I don't know who in my family will cross the finish line first, but I think that as we cross, just like I was standing with my Daddy watching for the Balloon Lady, that our other family members will cross and come on over before we even realize we're there without them. The hard part is being in the race still, when you know ones you love have finished their race. Can I encourage you? Make them proud. Carry your team to victory, gain as many new teammates as you can, and have fun while you're doing it! Don't give up! They would never want you to throw in the towel, or to think that your part of the race is unimportant. You were created for such a time as this.
Friends, let this be our prayer in our spiritual run today. "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus is calling us." Phillipians 3:14
Expectant,
Ashley
I decided to up my game a bit. My longest distance before February was 5 miles. So, I decided to see if anyone would be interested in running the Marathon Relay. It's 26.2 miles broken down into 5 different legs. Each runner runs a certain distance, and as a team, you complete a marathon. How fun does that sound?! So, my new goal was to run 6.05 miles, the 3rd leg of our marathon. There were days that I would get so nervous thinking about race day. What if I couldn't complete it? What if I fell? What if I hurt my foot? And my biggest fear...what if I failed my team? I knew that all of this would only be defeated by knowing that through my Savior, I can do anything! That is the truth, friends! He sustained me, He strengthened me, and He caused me to endure.
So, my goal was set, now I just needed some crazy people who would agree that, they too, wanted to do something so crazy fun. Let me introduce you to them. Our school, GPCA, ended up sponsoring our team. Thanks GPCA! We also had a team in the 5k on Saturday. What an awesome school, with awesome support!
Mikey Keith, runner # 1, started us off with a strong leg! Mikey is an inspiration, and we had the honor of being his teammates as he completed his second full marathon! He is our youngest member on the team, and he and his wife, Julie, are expecting their first child in July. He is also the brother-in-law of teammate #4, Jennifer. Jennifer suggested Mikey as one of our strong runners, and we are so glad he obliged us. Mikey finished his 6.05 in 47:47, and he was 15 out of 250 runners for his leg! He took home the third place trophy in his age division in his latest 10k! He continued to make us proud as we watched him cross the finish line in under 4 hours! Whoop whoop!
Myron Fisher, runner #2, is a Marine – need I say more?! He was recruited by his sweet wife, Yolanda – who is my partner in crime at GPCA. He, too, was chosen because of the strength he could give to our team. He had the hills, and the speed to do it. I told him very little of what we needed from him, but he did not wavered in his commitment to us. I am honored to be on a team with someone who has fought for our country. Myron served us all in Iraq, and now he serves us as he shares this leg on our team. His 2.95 was a quick jog through the park at 26 minutes, and he came in at 22 out of 250 runners for his leg!
Ashley Morrison, runner #3 – me. I began running about 6 years ago. I took a girls’ beach trip, and had planned (and practiced) to run a straight 2 miles for the first time since high school while on this trip. I did it, and ran my first 5k that summer. I rarely run over 3 miles at a time, but last summer I set a goal to run 5 – yes, all at once. My next goal was to run 6.05 in the Mercedes Marathon Relay, and my team helped me reach that goal. I am not a strong runner, just a steady slow runner. "I WILL finish in front of the balloon lady!" It helped to have Mikey and Myron in front of me! So, my goal was to finish in under 1:20.I finished in 1:17:28! My ranking was the lowest on my team, but honestly, I'm still proud...117 out of the 250 runners that ran my leg!
Jennifer Eidson, runner #4, has been my running companion more than any other person, and we both started up our running regimen in the same year. I’m so glad we’re doing this together! She is strong, and she is a runner! She has been smoking me on our runs together lately. She was once the Balloon Lady in our Big Springs 5k, while she was pregnant AND pushing a baby in a stroller. She’s awesome! We call ourselves 2Mamas8kids, and I love that I get to hand off the chip to her. Her most encouraging statement is, “This will be fun!” She planned on finishing her 3.05 in around 35 minutes - and that was exactly what she did! My girl finished 86 out of 250 in her leg!!!!!
Tammy Mathews, runner #5, brought us home in style! Tammy is the female definition of inspiration. She picked back up her running shoes a few years ago on her journey to losing 80 pounds! This is her thing, y’all! She has come in first place 3 times in the Big Springs 5k, in her age group, and once overall for the women. Second place in the Power Run, 3rd overall (women) in the Crosspoint Run, Second in the Jingle Bell Run, and this is not all! Tammy has been my friend since we cheered together in junior high, and I am so glad that she agreed to run our longest, 8 mile, leg. She is thrilled to do it, which makes it even better! She planned to finish in under 1:17. She came in at 1:14:04! 57 out of 250 in the longest leg of the relay!!!!
We all waited to see Tammy come to the finish area, and we all got to run (chase her) across the finish line! She is so fast...even at the end of her race! We all have a race set before us. Each of us is called to do something different. Each of us is given different strengths and abilities in order to get our job done. In case you didn't catch it, I just went spiritual. ;) I want to share with you a little more about what my Jesus taught me through my training, and my race. We finished 64 out of 250 teams. Go MidKnight Runners!
I've never run a race as an "official" team member. There is something bigger about the goal for your team. I'm not a big individual competitor, but put me on a team, and I see the purpose. This was so much fun to me, and the biggest reason are the names, besides mine, listed above. I love that this was my team - our team!
First, I must explain the balloon lady. She was, after all, a huge motivator for me! During the third leg, the half-marathoners would finish their race, and the marathoners and the third leg relay runners stayed to the right. The Balloon Lady was walking at a pace of 13:44, and if she passed you in the third leg, you would be directed to the Half finish line, which meant legs 4 and 5 would NOT run, and the running that runners 1 and 2 ran would have been in vain, and your team would be disqualified. No pressure. So, every practice run had to be under 13 minutes per mile, because you do what you practice. I had day horrors (never nightmares) about seeing her on my runs. I would find balloons in odd places - no joke! In my head she looked like a scary clown. In my spiritual run, the Balloon Lady is everything I'm afraid I will fail. She is my own insecurity, she's my fear of the unkown, my fear of making the wrong choice. My fear of not meausuring up to ...whatever.
Let me tell you how I kept her behind me. "Let (me) strip off every weight that slows me down, especially the sin that so easily trips me up. Let me run with endurance the race God has set before me. I do this by keeping my eyes on Jesus, the Champion, who initiates and perfects my faith!" (My translation of Hebrews 12:1-2a As long as I focussed on what Jesus could do in and through my body, Balloon Lady would always be behind me. Mikey and Myron gave me a fabulous head start on her, but I held my own on my time staying in front of her. During the race, I did go back and wait on her...tell you that in a minute.
I started at the bottom of Highland Avenue. I experienced such a rush waiting for Myron. Looking for him, anticipating the had off. Then, there he was! Right in front of me! I saw Sydney, Gracen, and Asa standing with Randy. Randy was probably telling me not to start to fast. I mean, I was keeping up with these crazy marathoners, and this was still the fast bunch! Throghout my leg, if I got tired (2nd Avenue North - so boring!), I would tell myself, "Jenn's waiting!" "Get to Jenn." "Jenn has to run her race too!" It reminded me that as we are running our spiritual race, there are times where we don't see the point. If we get to that place, remember someone is waiting on you to do your part so they can do theirs. Then, watch. Don't miss your kids and your husband standing over there cheering for you!!!!! There they were, smiling, cheering, holding their cute little signs, reminding me that my job was to finish! Even when I was on 2nd Ave.N. that seemed so straight and long, with not much to look at on either side - just greyness. Right after 2nd Ave. came the excitement of people cheering, and big buildings, and pretty streets. Boring grey prepares us for the fireworks! Then, came my little hill. Yucko! I heard something right here that I hadn't heard before. "Come on, Baby, you can do it." It was totally my mom's voice in my head. Tears rolled a little bit, then pure joy that Jesus brought that out at that moment!
As I rounded behind the BJCC, I knew I was well into my 5th mile, and that I was on the downhill stretch - except that it was an uphill stretch. Then I remembered something else. My daddy was at my finish line. He was gonna be so proud! My pace picked up. I rounded my last corner, and I could tell where the relay station was, but I couldn't see which side to run to. I always kick it up at the end of a race, almost to an obnoxious fault. I was looking so hard for where to go, I was not hustling. Then I realized my feet were about to cross the timing station. I was still confused, then I heard, "Heeeeeyyyyy, Ashley!" My lips parted like the Red Sea, and my cheeks almost hurt I smiled so hard. I said out loud, "That's my Daddy!" as I kicked it into high gear! He was waving, my friends were cheering my name, and I was looking for Jennifer, but I could not find her. I said, "Where's Jenn?!" Then, my friend who is still witty in the midst of chaos, my friend who told me 2 1/2 years ago that my new journey would be fun, said my favorite words of the day. "I'm right in front of you, I look just like you, right here!"(We both had on lime green shirts, black legs, and lime green softball socks...don't know how I couldn't see what was right in front of me.:)
So, I was done. My race was finished. Jenn was gone, but my Daddy was there. You know, your Daddy waits at your finish line too. He has placed people in your life to cheer you on when you're on those boring old roads - are you looking up? He's got all kinds of people for you to meet, like blue hat, and hot pink pants who you might share a conversation with along the way, and receive or give a word of encouragement. Your race might be boring..Run it. Your race may be difficult. Run it. Your race may be uncertain. Run it! Enjoy it! Know that when you're done, your Abba Daddy will yell your name, and He will be so proud of you!
You might just get to be in the Cloud of Witnesses - the ones who have gone on before (Heb 1:1). I think that might feel like this... I waited on the corner that I had passed almost an hour earlier. I knew she was coming. Sure enough, there she was, coming up the hill. She wasn't a scary clown. She was a sweet faced, older lady with balloons. Then I saw him. Fit 2Phat. He was 6 paces in front of her.This was my day horror about to come true for this man dressed in black! "Gooooooooo!" I yelled! "You're almost there, don't let her pass you! Your team is waiting!" He looked at me like he didn't think he could do it. My heart sank. "Jesus." I prayed. "You can do it!" I yelled again. "How much further?" He asked. I smiled as I yelled, "Just over the hill, and then left to finish!" He scared me as he walked to the top of the hill, but then I saw him pick it up and jog, leaving only the Balloon Lady in my sight, and then she was gone. My kids and Randy were with me then, and we walked to the finish line to cheer on our teammates.
We don't know when our race will be done. It's just our job to run it with endurance. I don't know who in my family will cross the finish line first, but I think that as we cross, just like I was standing with my Daddy watching for the Balloon Lady, that our other family members will cross and come on over before we even realize we're there without them. The hard part is being in the race still, when you know ones you love have finished their race. Can I encourage you? Make them proud. Carry your team to victory, gain as many new teammates as you can, and have fun while you're doing it! Don't give up! They would never want you to throw in the towel, or to think that your part of the race is unimportant. You were created for such a time as this.
Friends, let this be our prayer in our spiritual run today. "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus is calling us." Phillipians 3:14
Expectant,
Ashley
Friday, November 9, 2012
Favorite Song
When the Lord walks you through a difficult time, the comfort you feel is inexplainable. Take that feeling, and multiply it by a lifetime. Welcome to my world today. I am experiencing a fulfilled promise today. For the most part, it has been an unspoken secret between me and my Lord. He knows my heart, and I know His. Today is beautiful to me. Thirty-eight years ago today, my mama gave birth to me.
Since that day, my song began. It is far from finished, but is continually being written. If you've followed these blogs, you know a lot of my song. Today, I want to share with you a song that has become my favorite song of this year.
I walked into church on a Wednesday night early in the year. I had just received news that my friend's baby, who had been in NICU, had gone home to be with the Lord. We thought he was fine. There were no words to fill the questions. My heart ached for this friend. The words I heard at church that night were this, "I'm gonna lift my hands, til I can reach Heaven...". I prayed with everything in me for this mama who lost her baby. I felt all she could do at this point was reach up to Jesus, who was now holding her baby. I know she will keep reaching until she is there. So should we. The way we reach may be different, but if we could feel the passion of knowing this is not our home, the way that mama does, we might live a little differently, and a bit more victoriously.
"I'm gonna shout your name, til the walls come falling down." Next line that has become my anthem this year. Some walls had been built up around me, that as I saw them, I thought, "Where did these come from?" I know that sounds crazy, but it happens. You don't realize you're building them up until you run right into them. Some of these walls are taking a little longer to break down, but I am STILL shouting! They will fall down!
"There's a place my eyes can't see, where my spirit longs to be, it's a place of healing, it's a place where I find freedom." So, I know there's more than what I see in this world. I know that so many times in my day, when I am frustrated, Jesus wants me to see through His eyes. Sometimes, I just can't see it. My spirit never stops longing for this place...of freedom! So many of us need to experience healing in relationships, in our bodies, in our thoughts, and in our view of God. I encourage you to seek Him. He will be found!
"There's a love that lives in me, for you Lord, my Savior King, it breaks the sin that's binding, and brings me to a place of freedom." I praise Him for this love! He has given me a love for His people, and this is the only way I can explain it. I love to look into the eyes of people I meet. When I look, that first glance is a chance. It's a chance for me to see them as God sees them. I love when I get a chance to look closer, and share what I see with the person whose eyes look back at me. This is usually not on the first meeting, but these are the people He allows me to develop relationships with over time. These are precious, and I love all my peeps!
In my life I have come to realize, there is not a day that goes by when I won't need my Jesus. We will all go through circumstances that we feel are testing us to our very limit. My sincere hope for you is that you do whatever it takes to find that place of freedom. Know He's got you. Know He loves you. Know He's bigger than anything you are facing.
I want to share with you a place of freedom I have journeyed into today. Let me share the first verse of the song with you. " There's a calm that covers me, when I kneel down at your feet, it's a place of healing, it's a place where I find freedom." At ten years old, I knelt down at an altar. I reached my hands to Heaven, because that's where my mama was now. I knew I loved Jesus, but I also loved my mama in a way I had never loved anyone. I wanted to know all I could about Jesus, and I asked Him to fill the hurt that was formed in my heart. Today, I can say that I love Jesus more than anything! He has given me so much! So many prayers that I prayed as a child have been answered abundantly. A cloud of gloom has always lingered still. It's usually way far behind me, but there nonetheless. That cloud is not there at all today. My mama celebrated her 38th birthday in a coma. I did not spend it with her for the first time in my life. I am spending my 38th birthday WITH my children and my husband, and all my family and friends!!!!!!! This is HUGE to me, y'all! Satan has no hold on me, and I will fulfill the plans the Lord has for me!
So, I haven't shared the chorus with you. Um, and I'm not going to. :) Highlands Worship created this song, and it is beautiful and anointed. I will try to upload it to my facebook page, but if it doesn't work, go buy it off of iTunes. Place of Freedom. Consider it a birthday present to me for you. I would love it if you all listened to it today. Thanks for all the encouragement you all give me! I love my friends in such a big way. He has given me a love for His people, and He gives love right back to me through all of you!!!!!
HAPPY birthday to me!
So Expectant that you can't even imagine,
Ashley
Since that day, my song began. It is far from finished, but is continually being written. If you've followed these blogs, you know a lot of my song. Today, I want to share with you a song that has become my favorite song of this year.
I walked into church on a Wednesday night early in the year. I had just received news that my friend's baby, who had been in NICU, had gone home to be with the Lord. We thought he was fine. There were no words to fill the questions. My heart ached for this friend. The words I heard at church that night were this, "I'm gonna lift my hands, til I can reach Heaven...". I prayed with everything in me for this mama who lost her baby. I felt all she could do at this point was reach up to Jesus, who was now holding her baby. I know she will keep reaching until she is there. So should we. The way we reach may be different, but if we could feel the passion of knowing this is not our home, the way that mama does, we might live a little differently, and a bit more victoriously.
"I'm gonna shout your name, til the walls come falling down." Next line that has become my anthem this year. Some walls had been built up around me, that as I saw them, I thought, "Where did these come from?" I know that sounds crazy, but it happens. You don't realize you're building them up until you run right into them. Some of these walls are taking a little longer to break down, but I am STILL shouting! They will fall down!
"There's a place my eyes can't see, where my spirit longs to be, it's a place of healing, it's a place where I find freedom." So, I know there's more than what I see in this world. I know that so many times in my day, when I am frustrated, Jesus wants me to see through His eyes. Sometimes, I just can't see it. My spirit never stops longing for this place...of freedom! So many of us need to experience healing in relationships, in our bodies, in our thoughts, and in our view of God. I encourage you to seek Him. He will be found!
"There's a love that lives in me, for you Lord, my Savior King, it breaks the sin that's binding, and brings me to a place of freedom." I praise Him for this love! He has given me a love for His people, and this is the only way I can explain it. I love to look into the eyes of people I meet. When I look, that first glance is a chance. It's a chance for me to see them as God sees them. I love when I get a chance to look closer, and share what I see with the person whose eyes look back at me. This is usually not on the first meeting, but these are the people He allows me to develop relationships with over time. These are precious, and I love all my peeps!
In my life I have come to realize, there is not a day that goes by when I won't need my Jesus. We will all go through circumstances that we feel are testing us to our very limit. My sincere hope for you is that you do whatever it takes to find that place of freedom. Know He's got you. Know He loves you. Know He's bigger than anything you are facing.
I want to share with you a place of freedom I have journeyed into today. Let me share the first verse of the song with you. " There's a calm that covers me, when I kneel down at your feet, it's a place of healing, it's a place where I find freedom." At ten years old, I knelt down at an altar. I reached my hands to Heaven, because that's where my mama was now. I knew I loved Jesus, but I also loved my mama in a way I had never loved anyone. I wanted to know all I could about Jesus, and I asked Him to fill the hurt that was formed in my heart. Today, I can say that I love Jesus more than anything! He has given me so much! So many prayers that I prayed as a child have been answered abundantly. A cloud of gloom has always lingered still. It's usually way far behind me, but there nonetheless. That cloud is not there at all today. My mama celebrated her 38th birthday in a coma. I did not spend it with her for the first time in my life. I am spending my 38th birthday WITH my children and my husband, and all my family and friends!!!!!!! This is HUGE to me, y'all! Satan has no hold on me, and I will fulfill the plans the Lord has for me!
So, I haven't shared the chorus with you. Um, and I'm not going to. :) Highlands Worship created this song, and it is beautiful and anointed. I will try to upload it to my facebook page, but if it doesn't work, go buy it off of iTunes. Place of Freedom. Consider it a birthday present to me for you. I would love it if you all listened to it today. Thanks for all the encouragement you all give me! I love my friends in such a big way. He has given me a love for His people, and He gives love right back to me through all of you!!!!!
HAPPY birthday to me!
So Expectant that you can't even imagine,
Ashley
Friday, February 3, 2012
Aunt Marla
When I was in sixth grade, I had to choose an elective. My heart was set on band - and being a drummer! Beverly got a little nervous, about how loud our house might become, and she gently nudged me to pick choir. "You know how much you love to sing, Ashley. Choir is really the best choice for you." She was right, I did love to sing. So, I signed up for choir, and in the beginning of the 1986 school year, I met my choir teacher. This lady would influence me for the rest of my life. Her name is Marla Wilson.
One of my first memories of Mrs. Wilson is this. I was put in the alto section, because there wasn't a bass section for junior high girls. We started to sing our little hearts out, and she stopped us. (We were singing the melody.) She looked at us and said, "You don't get to sing the familiar part. You get to sing the part that makes the song beautiful." I wanted to know all this lady had to teach! She poured so much into us, and demanded that we give back one hundred percent. I will never forget how passionate she was when she directed us. It was magical. She loved what she was doing, and we loved it too. More than that, she loved us, and we loved her.
At the end of sixth grade, she sponsored a talent show. I decided I would dance, instead of sing. I worked in my basement for weeks, trying to perfect my dance. I loved dancing in my basement, and would continue until I was much older. When I danced, the world faded. The music lead me, and I was free. To this day, it is stress relief for me. So, back in sixth grade, I chose Janet Jackson's "Nasty". Let me just clarify that the song is about NOT choosing "nasty boys". :) The show was during the day, and my parents both worked, so I didn't make a big deal about them coming. I don't even think I asked them to come. I was just a sixth grader, anyway. I knew an eighth grader would probably win.
I dressed in all black, with my key earring. When I was on that stage, I became so excited. It was like dancing in the basement, except I had more room. It felt like being on the inside of a TV. The lights were bright, so I really couldn't make out anyone in the audience...but I knew they were there. I gave it my all, and I was having so much fun. Mrs. Wilson was smiling at me from the wings. After all the performances, all the contestants were on the stage. I got pushed to the very back, behind some very tall eighth grade boys who lip synced to "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight". Third place and second place had been called, and the boys in front of me were high-fiving - because everyone knew they were the winners. Then, I heard Mrs. Wilson's voice say..."and the winner of the 1987 Talent Show is...Ashley England!" The boys in front of me were so confused. Then they looked down at me as I made my way in between them. The first thing I saw was Mrs. Wilson's smiling face, and apparently I was crying because she asked why I was. I don't know if she or I was more excited.
The next two years, I was in her Show Choir - um, that means singing AND dancing. What could be any better than that?! I learned a lot of songs, and dances, but I learned so much more than that. I watched this lady who didn't flaunt herself. She was modest, but she was fun. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and boy did we catch it! I learned that you could sing all kinds of songs, but when you sing to Jesus you're giving Him a gift, and you are fulfilled. Somedays you get picked for the solo, and if you wait til tomorrow to try out, the solo may go to someone else. Humility is ALWAYS pretty. Beauty is when you hold your head up, and you look people in the eyes- because they are the lamp of the body. You become beautiful when you reach down to help someone else reach the potential that Jesus has placed inside them. You become captivating when you help someone realize all of this when they started out believing that nothing in them was good. Oh, how I looked forward to the time I spent in her class! It was a safe place. It was a place where we all grew wings, and she taught us how to soar.
Sometimes her love was tough. There was a particular day that I stayed in P.E. a little longer than I should have. She had been looking for me. The pass that I brought to her class did not appease her. She told me she was about to turn me in for skipping class. WHAT? Me? Don't you know who I am? Can I tell you how fast she put me in my place?! Looking back, I'm so glad she did, but at the moment...I was scared to death! Then there was the time I was talking to a boy I had no business talking to in her hallway. She raised one eyebrow as she walked by me, as if to say, "What would your Daddy think?" Message received.
Junior High days were my glory days. When my friend Tracy and I talk about the good ole' days, it's not high school, but junior high that we loved. Mrs. Wilson was a constant in our glory days. She taught me about my gifts. You may be surprised that singing is not one of my spiritual gifts. My husband does have that gift. He let me sing on the praise team that he lead, and I loved it. If Julie would sing the alto part in my ear, I could get it, but otherwise I was no good on my own. Randy would bang on the piano for my part - which would remind me of Mrs. Wilson, but his voice just didn't sound like hers. I know I was a thorn in his flesh, but when I finally got it, I didn't sound so bad. My oldest daughter is definitely blessed with the gift of music. I love it! I am so thankful that Mrs. Wilson encouraged a love of music in me.
I knew when I went to college that I wanted to help teenagers. Those were my most difficult years. I wanted to be a person who would try to understand what they were going through. So many times, I felt like teenagers were misunderstood, or that their problems were overlooked. All teens need a safe place. So, I chose secondary education as my major. I taught ninth graders. So many days, I thought, "How would Mrs. Wilson handle this?" She cared for my friends and me, and I was determined to care for the ones who thought they were unloveable. It's these kids that make it the hardest. They mask their hurt with outrageous behavior. They are hurting and they need someone to break through the rough exterior. She taught me this.
My husband and I worked with youth at our church. We would put on Christmas plays that were so much fun! He lead the choir and praise teams, and I loved helping with the human videos. Just like Show Choir! I treasure those times that we had with so many amazing kids. Now, I do it all on a younger level. Three year olds through fourth graders! I love what I'm doing now as well! We just have to be available to whatever the Lord needs us to do. He will use it all for His glory, and He will bless us in the process.
Usually, I end by asking you to look in your own heart for what the Lord might be speaking to you. Tonight, I'd like to ask you to pray for this incredible lady, Marla Wilson. She is battling Stage 4 breast cancer. I am only one life that she has touched over the years. There are so many, y'all. She's amazing, and she needs us to stand together for her. Imagine a huge choir of kids (who are not such kids anymore), but instead of singing songs, we're singing prayers to Jesus, thanking Him for placing this amazing lady in our lives, and pleading for a complete healing for her. Will you join with me?
Jesus, we ask in Your name, that you would touch Marla's body. You are the Great Physician, and You tell us that we have not because we don't ask. We ask humbly tonight, Jesus, that You would miraculously sweep this cancer out of her body. Lord, we know that she still has people to reach for you, and more music to sing and share. Let her voice continue to be heard. Amen.
P.S. Her nephew was in our class, and he always called her "Aunt Marla". We thought we were just as special, so we called her this also. She told me the group after us began calling her "Momma Marla". See how precious?!
P.S.S. As Christians, we may feel like we miss out on some things. I say the familiarity of this world is made beautiful by the melody we can bring when we reflect the love of our Jesus. Find your calling, and use your gifts for His glory, friends!
One of my first memories of Mrs. Wilson is this. I was put in the alto section, because there wasn't a bass section for junior high girls. We started to sing our little hearts out, and she stopped us. (We were singing the melody.) She looked at us and said, "You don't get to sing the familiar part. You get to sing the part that makes the song beautiful." I wanted to know all this lady had to teach! She poured so much into us, and demanded that we give back one hundred percent. I will never forget how passionate she was when she directed us. It was magical. She loved what she was doing, and we loved it too. More than that, she loved us, and we loved her.
At the end of sixth grade, she sponsored a talent show. I decided I would dance, instead of sing. I worked in my basement for weeks, trying to perfect my dance. I loved dancing in my basement, and would continue until I was much older. When I danced, the world faded. The music lead me, and I was free. To this day, it is stress relief for me. So, back in sixth grade, I chose Janet Jackson's "Nasty". Let me just clarify that the song is about NOT choosing "nasty boys". :) The show was during the day, and my parents both worked, so I didn't make a big deal about them coming. I don't even think I asked them to come. I was just a sixth grader, anyway. I knew an eighth grader would probably win.
I dressed in all black, with my key earring. When I was on that stage, I became so excited. It was like dancing in the basement, except I had more room. It felt like being on the inside of a TV. The lights were bright, so I really couldn't make out anyone in the audience...but I knew they were there. I gave it my all, and I was having so much fun. Mrs. Wilson was smiling at me from the wings. After all the performances, all the contestants were on the stage. I got pushed to the very back, behind some very tall eighth grade boys who lip synced to "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight". Third place and second place had been called, and the boys in front of me were high-fiving - because everyone knew they were the winners. Then, I heard Mrs. Wilson's voice say..."and the winner of the 1987 Talent Show is...Ashley England!" The boys in front of me were so confused. Then they looked down at me as I made my way in between them. The first thing I saw was Mrs. Wilson's smiling face, and apparently I was crying because she asked why I was. I don't know if she or I was more excited.
The next two years, I was in her Show Choir - um, that means singing AND dancing. What could be any better than that?! I learned a lot of songs, and dances, but I learned so much more than that. I watched this lady who didn't flaunt herself. She was modest, but she was fun. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and boy did we catch it! I learned that you could sing all kinds of songs, but when you sing to Jesus you're giving Him a gift, and you are fulfilled. Somedays you get picked for the solo, and if you wait til tomorrow to try out, the solo may go to someone else. Humility is ALWAYS pretty. Beauty is when you hold your head up, and you look people in the eyes- because they are the lamp of the body. You become beautiful when you reach down to help someone else reach the potential that Jesus has placed inside them. You become captivating when you help someone realize all of this when they started out believing that nothing in them was good. Oh, how I looked forward to the time I spent in her class! It was a safe place. It was a place where we all grew wings, and she taught us how to soar.
Sometimes her love was tough. There was a particular day that I stayed in P.E. a little longer than I should have. She had been looking for me. The pass that I brought to her class did not appease her. She told me she was about to turn me in for skipping class. WHAT? Me? Don't you know who I am? Can I tell you how fast she put me in my place?! Looking back, I'm so glad she did, but at the moment...I was scared to death! Then there was the time I was talking to a boy I had no business talking to in her hallway. She raised one eyebrow as she walked by me, as if to say, "What would your Daddy think?" Message received.
Junior High days were my glory days. When my friend Tracy and I talk about the good ole' days, it's not high school, but junior high that we loved. Mrs. Wilson was a constant in our glory days. She taught me about my gifts. You may be surprised that singing is not one of my spiritual gifts. My husband does have that gift. He let me sing on the praise team that he lead, and I loved it. If Julie would sing the alto part in my ear, I could get it, but otherwise I was no good on my own. Randy would bang on the piano for my part - which would remind me of Mrs. Wilson, but his voice just didn't sound like hers. I know I was a thorn in his flesh, but when I finally got it, I didn't sound so bad. My oldest daughter is definitely blessed with the gift of music. I love it! I am so thankful that Mrs. Wilson encouraged a love of music in me.
I knew when I went to college that I wanted to help teenagers. Those were my most difficult years. I wanted to be a person who would try to understand what they were going through. So many times, I felt like teenagers were misunderstood, or that their problems were overlooked. All teens need a safe place. So, I chose secondary education as my major. I taught ninth graders. So many days, I thought, "How would Mrs. Wilson handle this?" She cared for my friends and me, and I was determined to care for the ones who thought they were unloveable. It's these kids that make it the hardest. They mask their hurt with outrageous behavior. They are hurting and they need someone to break through the rough exterior. She taught me this.
My husband and I worked with youth at our church. We would put on Christmas plays that were so much fun! He lead the choir and praise teams, and I loved helping with the human videos. Just like Show Choir! I treasure those times that we had with so many amazing kids. Now, I do it all on a younger level. Three year olds through fourth graders! I love what I'm doing now as well! We just have to be available to whatever the Lord needs us to do. He will use it all for His glory, and He will bless us in the process.
Usually, I end by asking you to look in your own heart for what the Lord might be speaking to you. Tonight, I'd like to ask you to pray for this incredible lady, Marla Wilson. She is battling Stage 4 breast cancer. I am only one life that she has touched over the years. There are so many, y'all. She's amazing, and she needs us to stand together for her. Imagine a huge choir of kids (who are not such kids anymore), but instead of singing songs, we're singing prayers to Jesus, thanking Him for placing this amazing lady in our lives, and pleading for a complete healing for her. Will you join with me?
Jesus, we ask in Your name, that you would touch Marla's body. You are the Great Physician, and You tell us that we have not because we don't ask. We ask humbly tonight, Jesus, that You would miraculously sweep this cancer out of her body. Lord, we know that she still has people to reach for you, and more music to sing and share. Let her voice continue to be heard. Amen.
P.S. Her nephew was in our class, and he always called her "Aunt Marla". We thought we were just as special, so we called her this also. She told me the group after us began calling her "Momma Marla". See how precious?!
P.S.S. As Christians, we may feel like we miss out on some things. I say the familiarity of this world is made beautiful by the melody we can bring when we reflect the love of our Jesus. Find your calling, and use your gifts for His glory, friends!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
You are "for me"...He is "for you!"
As I walked through the halls, I could hear the familiar, peace-bringing voice. My heart was dancing, and my legs were taking me faster now, so that all my senses could have a worship experience that would connect so much of me with my Lord, whom I love more than I can express. I opened the door to see a beautiful red dress, sixties style with a poofy skirt, dark brown hair, and a smile with a countenance to match a cross between an angel and a fairy. It was Kari Jobe.
My daughter was with me. This daughter happens to be very musically gifted. I can't tell you how happy I was to have her there with me. What an example for my sweet girl. There is such trash out there that competes for the interest of our children, and I was glad that my girl could witness this awesome lady using the gifts the Lord placed inside her to give back to His people, and to Him. She sings a song that has become my personal anthem. "You are For Me" has made me feel as if Jesus is speaking directly to me. It reminds me that no matter who or what comes against me, He is with me in the middle of it. - and He is on my team!
Tonight, I'd like to share with you in a different way. I'm feeling a little fictional. The essence of our story is true. I'm changing some names and details to protect. You know I am on open book, but I respect those I love. Not everyone wants EVERYTHING being told. Of course, I can't understand why, but I'm going to do it this once. :)
Fahlan has wonderful childhood memories. She is often teased because she seems to remember too much. This never stops her from sharing stories with her family and friends. Laughter and smiles always go hand in hand with these stories. Something Fahlan did not share easily was pain and hurt. Those stories were there, but these, she wanted to forget. One memory in particular had followed her into adulthood, and had essentially become a phobia. She shared this with very few people. It only creeped out when she had to face this fear. Facing it was not often, but because she works with children, it is inevitable.
In second grade, Fahlan was exposed to and then had Chicken Pox. She was humiliated. Then there was the treatement. If you didn't put the cream on each individual one, it could scab, leaving scars. No one wanted this, and if she had scars, they would be seen forever. She remembered having to wash everything with which she came in contact. Itching all day long, and not being able to scratch was torture to her. If the kids at school found out, she would die. The laughter would never stop. The fact is, she didn't just have it one time, she had it two consecutive times.
This may seem to be trivial and maybe even silly. The phobia was rooted in the way she was treated because of the illness, not because of the illness itself. There was something else. Fahlan's mother was less than interested in helping to treat the chicken pox. She made Fahlan feel that it was her fault for getting them in the first place. She should have been more careful. When Fahlan came down with them a second time, her mother accused her of getting them on purpose just so her mother would have to stay home from her raquetball match. The odds are Fahlan's mother was just having a hard time being a divorced mother trying to work, raise her child, and have a little stress-relief of her own. Fahlan's mother probably never knew how her words would haunt her and follow her into adulthood.
Over the years, Fahlan had come close to having contact with children who had chicken pox. The day came when one of her own students would come down with them. She composed herself while discovering a few red dots on the child, but then quickly excused herself. She barely made it through the door of the lounge before the tears started to flow. They came uncontrollably. She had not been this close to the illness since she herself was a child. What if she had exposed her own children to this illness? What if she got it again? Who would care for her if her own mother had not wanted to? The panic had to take hold of her mind and body before she could think to call on Jesus. She knew that He had not given her a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. She claimed these promises for herself, for her student, and for her children. She dusted herself off and went back to class.
Making it through a situation that stirs up fear can help a person learn to walk in victory. Fahlan knew that putting her faith into practice was the hardest when she was walking through something that was testing her faith so completely. Still, she was learning and making progress. This progress was critical for what she was about to face. It was a warm November day. Her daughter, Sierra, was playing outside while Fahlan was unloading the car. As she walked by Sierra, Fahlan noticed that she was scratching her arm. As Fahlan's eyes lead her body, a cold chill ran down her spine. Sierra had at least 10 red dots in the crease of her elbow.
"Jesus, please help us, " is all Fahlan could think. She knew she had to remain calm, but even Sierra knew about her fear. Fahlan had to hold it together, and not just hold it together, she had to be okay to help Sierra. Fahlan phoned her husband, asking him to pick up what they needed, and asked him to hurry home. If she were honest with herself, and her husband, she didn't know how long she could hold it together. "Why? Was it not enough that I had to have this horrible experience as a child? Now, my daughter has to go through it, and I have to watch her - knowing what it did to me?" Fahlan just spoke her heart to her Lord.
Sierra said, "Mommy, am I going to be okay? You said when you had this it was really bad." Fahlan looked into her daughter's eyes and she felt a peace and an assurance as she spoke to her precious daughter. "Baby, you are going to be fine, and I am going to be right here beside you through all that we do. We'll put medicine on every dot, and when you feel like you need to scratch, I'll put warm rags on you." Sierra smiled at her momma. She knew the words were true.
That night and the next, Fahlan sat up with Sierra till the wee morning hours. Sierra would dose off in between applying the medicine, and Fahlan trying to ease the itching however she could. It was 3:00 in the morning, and Fahlan began to sing quietly, "I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, and I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart - to remind me, who You are." She laughed as the tears streamed down her face. She had come face to face with her fear. God was not mocking her. He was right there with her in that living room , with her sweet girl asleep on her lap. He did not leave her in her weakness, rather He was giving her a chance to be the mom, and to do and say the right things. As she looked down at her sleeping daughter, she praised her Jesus, "Thank you, Lord, for making me the mom Sierra needed tonight. I don't know why no one was there to do this for me, but I see now that you never left me. Maybe my mom responded the way she did, so that I would respond the way I did. You have taken something that was horrible, you have made me look at it up close and personal, and now I see that You are bigger. I love that you are "for me".
Sierra healed nicely with very minimal scarring. The only one that was the least bit noticeable was in Sierra's eyebrow. She and Fahlan laughed because now mother and daughter shared the same scar. Later, Sierra put it all in perspective and Fahlan knew that their hearts would not share the same scar. Fahlan asked Sierra if the whole experience had been as bad as she thought it would be. Sierra responded with words that would forever leave an imprint on Fahlan's heart, "Not at all, mom. It was really no big deal. I think it was easier for me because you were with me the whole time. I didn't have to feel scared by myself like you did when you were little. I'm glad you were here."
So, I'm sure you can think of something much more scary than chicken pox. Do you have a phobia? Is there something you are so afraid of that others would not even flinch about? This is what makes us all unique. Our experiences and environments make us how we are. Jesus can help us to overcome any obstacle of fear. To watch our children go through something that was devastating for us can seem like torture. You never know when He may be giving us the second chance to do it as it should have been done all along. Let me encourage you tonight. No matter what your family legacy is, and no matter how much people say you are just like Aunt So and So, know first that you are a creation made by the most Holy God! He has a plan for your life that can never be compared to or compromised by anyone in your lineage. Child, you are His! He is definitely "for you!" Now, let Him see you where you are, with the needs that you have, then let Him fill You!
Expectant,
Ashley
My daughter was with me. This daughter happens to be very musically gifted. I can't tell you how happy I was to have her there with me. What an example for my sweet girl. There is such trash out there that competes for the interest of our children, and I was glad that my girl could witness this awesome lady using the gifts the Lord placed inside her to give back to His people, and to Him. She sings a song that has become my personal anthem. "You are For Me" has made me feel as if Jesus is speaking directly to me. It reminds me that no matter who or what comes against me, He is with me in the middle of it. - and He is on my team!
Tonight, I'd like to share with you in a different way. I'm feeling a little fictional. The essence of our story is true. I'm changing some names and details to protect. You know I am on open book, but I respect those I love. Not everyone wants EVERYTHING being told. Of course, I can't understand why, but I'm going to do it this once. :)
Fahlan has wonderful childhood memories. She is often teased because she seems to remember too much. This never stops her from sharing stories with her family and friends. Laughter and smiles always go hand in hand with these stories. Something Fahlan did not share easily was pain and hurt. Those stories were there, but these, she wanted to forget. One memory in particular had followed her into adulthood, and had essentially become a phobia. She shared this with very few people. It only creeped out when she had to face this fear. Facing it was not often, but because she works with children, it is inevitable.
In second grade, Fahlan was exposed to and then had Chicken Pox. She was humiliated. Then there was the treatement. If you didn't put the cream on each individual one, it could scab, leaving scars. No one wanted this, and if she had scars, they would be seen forever. She remembered having to wash everything with which she came in contact. Itching all day long, and not being able to scratch was torture to her. If the kids at school found out, she would die. The laughter would never stop. The fact is, she didn't just have it one time, she had it two consecutive times.
This may seem to be trivial and maybe even silly. The phobia was rooted in the way she was treated because of the illness, not because of the illness itself. There was something else. Fahlan's mother was less than interested in helping to treat the chicken pox. She made Fahlan feel that it was her fault for getting them in the first place. She should have been more careful. When Fahlan came down with them a second time, her mother accused her of getting them on purpose just so her mother would have to stay home from her raquetball match. The odds are Fahlan's mother was just having a hard time being a divorced mother trying to work, raise her child, and have a little stress-relief of her own. Fahlan's mother probably never knew how her words would haunt her and follow her into adulthood.
Over the years, Fahlan had come close to having contact with children who had chicken pox. The day came when one of her own students would come down with them. She composed herself while discovering a few red dots on the child, but then quickly excused herself. She barely made it through the door of the lounge before the tears started to flow. They came uncontrollably. She had not been this close to the illness since she herself was a child. What if she had exposed her own children to this illness? What if she got it again? Who would care for her if her own mother had not wanted to? The panic had to take hold of her mind and body before she could think to call on Jesus. She knew that He had not given her a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. She claimed these promises for herself, for her student, and for her children. She dusted herself off and went back to class.
Making it through a situation that stirs up fear can help a person learn to walk in victory. Fahlan knew that putting her faith into practice was the hardest when she was walking through something that was testing her faith so completely. Still, she was learning and making progress. This progress was critical for what she was about to face. It was a warm November day. Her daughter, Sierra, was playing outside while Fahlan was unloading the car. As she walked by Sierra, Fahlan noticed that she was scratching her arm. As Fahlan's eyes lead her body, a cold chill ran down her spine. Sierra had at least 10 red dots in the crease of her elbow.
"Jesus, please help us, " is all Fahlan could think. She knew she had to remain calm, but even Sierra knew about her fear. Fahlan had to hold it together, and not just hold it together, she had to be okay to help Sierra. Fahlan phoned her husband, asking him to pick up what they needed, and asked him to hurry home. If she were honest with herself, and her husband, she didn't know how long she could hold it together. "Why? Was it not enough that I had to have this horrible experience as a child? Now, my daughter has to go through it, and I have to watch her - knowing what it did to me?" Fahlan just spoke her heart to her Lord.
Sierra said, "Mommy, am I going to be okay? You said when you had this it was really bad." Fahlan looked into her daughter's eyes and she felt a peace and an assurance as she spoke to her precious daughter. "Baby, you are going to be fine, and I am going to be right here beside you through all that we do. We'll put medicine on every dot, and when you feel like you need to scratch, I'll put warm rags on you." Sierra smiled at her momma. She knew the words were true.
That night and the next, Fahlan sat up with Sierra till the wee morning hours. Sierra would dose off in between applying the medicine, and Fahlan trying to ease the itching however she could. It was 3:00 in the morning, and Fahlan began to sing quietly, "I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, and I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart - to remind me, who You are." She laughed as the tears streamed down her face. She had come face to face with her fear. God was not mocking her. He was right there with her in that living room , with her sweet girl asleep on her lap. He did not leave her in her weakness, rather He was giving her a chance to be the mom, and to do and say the right things. As she looked down at her sleeping daughter, she praised her Jesus, "Thank you, Lord, for making me the mom Sierra needed tonight. I don't know why no one was there to do this for me, but I see now that you never left me. Maybe my mom responded the way she did, so that I would respond the way I did. You have taken something that was horrible, you have made me look at it up close and personal, and now I see that You are bigger. I love that you are "for me".
Sierra healed nicely with very minimal scarring. The only one that was the least bit noticeable was in Sierra's eyebrow. She and Fahlan laughed because now mother and daughter shared the same scar. Later, Sierra put it all in perspective and Fahlan knew that their hearts would not share the same scar. Fahlan asked Sierra if the whole experience had been as bad as she thought it would be. Sierra responded with words that would forever leave an imprint on Fahlan's heart, "Not at all, mom. It was really no big deal. I think it was easier for me because you were with me the whole time. I didn't have to feel scared by myself like you did when you were little. I'm glad you were here."
So, I'm sure you can think of something much more scary than chicken pox. Do you have a phobia? Is there something you are so afraid of that others would not even flinch about? This is what makes us all unique. Our experiences and environments make us how we are. Jesus can help us to overcome any obstacle of fear. To watch our children go through something that was devastating for us can seem like torture. You never know when He may be giving us the second chance to do it as it should have been done all along. Let me encourage you tonight. No matter what your family legacy is, and no matter how much people say you are just like Aunt So and So, know first that you are a creation made by the most Holy God! He has a plan for your life that can never be compared to or compromised by anyone in your lineage. Child, you are His! He is definitely "for you!" Now, let Him see you where you are, with the needs that you have, then let Him fill You!
Expectant,
Ashley
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Golden Eyes I Cannot See
We were at a place where I knew we had to make a decision. I didn't have much time to think about it, and I had to act quickly. There was tremendous pain in making it, but if I had not made it, I could have caused harm to something so very fragile. I prayed for an answer. I prayed for strength. I prayed for forgiveness for what I was ready to do.
I felt like I couldn't let myself feel. I had to try to be as numb as I could. I was strong until I was in the midst of the act that I dreaded. Before you think this is something much worse, let me explain. It was January. I had spent a week in the hospital, my baby was in the middle of the fight for his life, we were preparing our home to be as germ free as we could, so that when Aaron came home, we could keep him well. Our cat, Judah, had been getting worse and worse about finding places in the house to relieve himself. We would find evidence of him in closets, in boxes w/ blankets, beside a backpack, and on my comforter. It was not getting better, and I knew it was time to do something. I took him to the vet, knowing that I might have to put him down - if this was something that could not be fixed.
Let me introduce you to Judah. Randy found him as a tiny kitten. He was huddled under a porch of one of the houses being built. Randy brought him home in a little green birdcage. When I first saw him, he was balled up in a corner hissing. Randy wouldn't let me get him out, because he thought he might bite me. (This is the guy who will pick up a rattlesnake without batting an eye!) I humored him for a bit, then got that baby out and snuggled with him. He was scared to death! We were engaged at the time, and he became our kitty. When we got married, and I moved in, we learned that we had one smart cat on our hands. We taught him to fetch. I could be in one room, and Randy in another. We would wad up paper - writing notes to each other on it - and as we threw it, Judah would take the paper in the other room, to the other person! No lie! Then, there were times when he was not so bright. We kept him locked in our bedroom during the day. We lived in an apartment, and we weren't sure about the pet rule. When we would come home, his little white paws would wave at us from underneath the door as if he was saying, "Hey, welcome home, now come let me out!"
Judah was a constant fixture in our home. He saw my first three babies come home from the hospital. He sent each of the big kids off to school for the first time, and was waiting on them when they got home. When I was pregnant, he would lie on my belly and purr as the babies moved around. He looked at me in my eyes, as if he could tell how I was feeling. He was extremely obedient. He wouldn't put a paw on the kitchen floor. One day, he tried to save my life. Randy was tickling me, and I was screaming. Judah jumped on Randy and climbed to his neck where he proceeded to bite Randy until I stopped screaming. He stood between Sydney and Gracen and a big dog that walked up in our driveway. He puffed himself up as big as he could and let out a growl with a hiss, and that dog tucked tail and ran. :)
He loved us. He protected us. He made us smile. We were his people, and he was our cat. Now, in a matter of days I was making a decision about his sweet life. The vet told me he was old, in pain, and his behavior would probably not get better. We considered the worst. UNTIL...a sweet lady in the vet at the same time as Randy offered to take him to her farm. He could run and be free and live out his days living the life of a farm cat. I was so elated that we had an alternative. My best friend drove me to the farm as I let my kitty go. I tried to tell him what was going on. I tried to tell myself this was the best thing for him. I wish I didn't have to leave him, and maybe I shouldn't have, but I did. I wrote the lady a letter about all this sweet kitty meant to me. I told her about his personality, and I thanked her for giving my kitty a second chance.
My focus was on my four pound baby. I had to fight for him, and I had to give him the best environment he could have. I had to let go of 13 years of loving that little kitten in a birdcage. What was he thinking? All I could do was pray that he would enjoy his new life on the farm. The nice lady said I could bring my kids up to see him whenever we wanted. My kids were about to experience life without Judah - which is something they had never known.
I kept in touch with the nice lady. Judah liked the horse. He would follow her out to feed him. One day I called to see if we could come visit. Now was not a good time. I called later. They were getting ready to move, but Judah would be fine. I called and left messages. I drove by the farm, and called her. She had moved and Judah had not gone with them. Neighbors had food put out, so he would not go hungry. The big kids and I went on a Judah hunt. We left our number with all the neighbors. We called his name all over the place. Nothing.
Today, I drove back by without the big kids. The lady told me he liked the green trailer behind the house. The day I had the kids with me, I couldn't find it. I found it hidden way back in the woods. I got flat on the ground, looking under it. No Judah.
The other day when we were there, a man with kind eyes helped by giving us some information. He told me he would look for Judah. He told me where the green trailer was. He gave me the names of the neighbors to talk to. Today, the man with the kind eyes asked me how well I knew the lady. "Not well at all," I replied. He looked in my eyes, and I knew I was not going to find my kitty today. He assured me that she took good care of her animals, but that I might never know the truth about Judah. I don't understand. I can't tell you how badly I want to see that little black face popping up out of some grass. I am mourning all over again.
I prayed that these neighbors would not think I was a stalker. As I said that out loud, I continued with, "Lord, you would do this for us. If you knew we were lost, you would come find us - no matter who thought we were crazy." He's been an outside cat, so he could be outside at our house now. I also prayed that if Judah could hear me, that he would find me. I believe he didn't hear me today. I'm not ready to believe that he's gone. I am still hoping that he finds his way back to us, or that one of the neighbors finds him and calls me.
Sometimes things don't work out the way we plan or hope. Sometimes they do. I want to see those golden eyes again! Just as I had to choose my child over my animal, Jesus will choose His children EVERY time over those who go against them. Unlike me, Jesus is all-powerful, and all-knowing. When He hears your cry, He comes running to you - and He ALWAYS finds what He's looking for, no matter what truth is being withheld.
I'm praying for those of you who may be experiencing deep hurt. Maybe no one really knows the depth of your ache. He does. Bring it to Him, and let Him heal your brokenness. You might have guilt and regret over something. The truth is, you can't change it. Jesus can pick up your pieces right where you are and create a masterpiece. Pain is hard to deal with presently. Pain will also produce strength that you wouldn't gain without the hurt. I say this to you as I am still grieving a loss, and unanswered questions. Press forward! We can do this.
Expectant,
Ashley
I felt like I couldn't let myself feel. I had to try to be as numb as I could. I was strong until I was in the midst of the act that I dreaded. Before you think this is something much worse, let me explain. It was January. I had spent a week in the hospital, my baby was in the middle of the fight for his life, we were preparing our home to be as germ free as we could, so that when Aaron came home, we could keep him well. Our cat, Judah, had been getting worse and worse about finding places in the house to relieve himself. We would find evidence of him in closets, in boxes w/ blankets, beside a backpack, and on my comforter. It was not getting better, and I knew it was time to do something. I took him to the vet, knowing that I might have to put him down - if this was something that could not be fixed.
Let me introduce you to Judah. Randy found him as a tiny kitten. He was huddled under a porch of one of the houses being built. Randy brought him home in a little green birdcage. When I first saw him, he was balled up in a corner hissing. Randy wouldn't let me get him out, because he thought he might bite me. (This is the guy who will pick up a rattlesnake without batting an eye!) I humored him for a bit, then got that baby out and snuggled with him. He was scared to death! We were engaged at the time, and he became our kitty. When we got married, and I moved in, we learned that we had one smart cat on our hands. We taught him to fetch. I could be in one room, and Randy in another. We would wad up paper - writing notes to each other on it - and as we threw it, Judah would take the paper in the other room, to the other person! No lie! Then, there were times when he was not so bright. We kept him locked in our bedroom during the day. We lived in an apartment, and we weren't sure about the pet rule. When we would come home, his little white paws would wave at us from underneath the door as if he was saying, "Hey, welcome home, now come let me out!"
Judah was a constant fixture in our home. He saw my first three babies come home from the hospital. He sent each of the big kids off to school for the first time, and was waiting on them when they got home. When I was pregnant, he would lie on my belly and purr as the babies moved around. He looked at me in my eyes, as if he could tell how I was feeling. He was extremely obedient. He wouldn't put a paw on the kitchen floor. One day, he tried to save my life. Randy was tickling me, and I was screaming. Judah jumped on Randy and climbed to his neck where he proceeded to bite Randy until I stopped screaming. He stood between Sydney and Gracen and a big dog that walked up in our driveway. He puffed himself up as big as he could and let out a growl with a hiss, and that dog tucked tail and ran. :)
He loved us. He protected us. He made us smile. We were his people, and he was our cat. Now, in a matter of days I was making a decision about his sweet life. The vet told me he was old, in pain, and his behavior would probably not get better. We considered the worst. UNTIL...a sweet lady in the vet at the same time as Randy offered to take him to her farm. He could run and be free and live out his days living the life of a farm cat. I was so elated that we had an alternative. My best friend drove me to the farm as I let my kitty go. I tried to tell him what was going on. I tried to tell myself this was the best thing for him. I wish I didn't have to leave him, and maybe I shouldn't have, but I did. I wrote the lady a letter about all this sweet kitty meant to me. I told her about his personality, and I thanked her for giving my kitty a second chance.
My focus was on my four pound baby. I had to fight for him, and I had to give him the best environment he could have. I had to let go of 13 years of loving that little kitten in a birdcage. What was he thinking? All I could do was pray that he would enjoy his new life on the farm. The nice lady said I could bring my kids up to see him whenever we wanted. My kids were about to experience life without Judah - which is something they had never known.
I kept in touch with the nice lady. Judah liked the horse. He would follow her out to feed him. One day I called to see if we could come visit. Now was not a good time. I called later. They were getting ready to move, but Judah would be fine. I called and left messages. I drove by the farm, and called her. She had moved and Judah had not gone with them. Neighbors had food put out, so he would not go hungry. The big kids and I went on a Judah hunt. We left our number with all the neighbors. We called his name all over the place. Nothing.
Today, I drove back by without the big kids. The lady told me he liked the green trailer behind the house. The day I had the kids with me, I couldn't find it. I found it hidden way back in the woods. I got flat on the ground, looking under it. No Judah.
The other day when we were there, a man with kind eyes helped by giving us some information. He told me he would look for Judah. He told me where the green trailer was. He gave me the names of the neighbors to talk to. Today, the man with the kind eyes asked me how well I knew the lady. "Not well at all," I replied. He looked in my eyes, and I knew I was not going to find my kitty today. He assured me that she took good care of her animals, but that I might never know the truth about Judah. I don't understand. I can't tell you how badly I want to see that little black face popping up out of some grass. I am mourning all over again.
I prayed that these neighbors would not think I was a stalker. As I said that out loud, I continued with, "Lord, you would do this for us. If you knew we were lost, you would come find us - no matter who thought we were crazy." He's been an outside cat, so he could be outside at our house now. I also prayed that if Judah could hear me, that he would find me. I believe he didn't hear me today. I'm not ready to believe that he's gone. I am still hoping that he finds his way back to us, or that one of the neighbors finds him and calls me.
Sometimes things don't work out the way we plan or hope. Sometimes they do. I want to see those golden eyes again! Just as I had to choose my child over my animal, Jesus will choose His children EVERY time over those who go against them. Unlike me, Jesus is all-powerful, and all-knowing. When He hears your cry, He comes running to you - and He ALWAYS finds what He's looking for, no matter what truth is being withheld.
I'm praying for those of you who may be experiencing deep hurt. Maybe no one really knows the depth of your ache. He does. Bring it to Him, and let Him heal your brokenness. You might have guilt and regret over something. The truth is, you can't change it. Jesus can pick up your pieces right where you are and create a masterpiece. Pain is hard to deal with presently. Pain will also produce strength that you wouldn't gain without the hurt. I say this to you as I am still grieving a loss, and unanswered questions. Press forward! We can do this.
Expectant,
Ashley
Friday, August 19, 2011
Shut de doe (Keep out the devil!)
What a year this has been! I am rejoicing for so many things that the Lord has done in, and through, the lives of our family. A year ago I was facing fear like I had never known before. Fear is an ugly thing in the life of a Believer. It goes against the nature of Christ, and as Christians we are told over and over in God's word that we should not fear. Knowing this is one thing, being faced with a situation that causes you to walk it out is another.
I remember going to the Jaycee's Haunted House when I was a teenager. I don't know why I went. I guess I wanted to prove that I could face my fear, and to show myself I could make it through. Well, I learned very quickly that I could hold on to Jill Phillips's shirt and I could close my eyes and still walk through this thing. Sarah Braswell was behind me, so I felt safe on that end. At one point a Freddy Krueger guy jumped out at us. Sarah and I got separated from the rest of our group. I couldn't close my eyes and see where I was going. Then, someone jumped out of a jail cell and tried to corner Sarah. At the same moment, one of the scaries caused me to bump into something, which knocked off my glasses. I was done. Yes, this was supposed to be scary, but I had had enough. I YELLED at the scaries. I told them to get away from Sarah, and that they better NOT touch me because they had already knocked off my glasses. Have you ever seen scaries in a haunted house look confused? My blood was boiling and I wasn't scared again through that stupid house. We all made it out in one piece, and our little group was together again.
The fear that I felt at this point last year was much the same. It crippled me for a bit. Then amazingly some really awesome friends allowed me to just close my eyes for a while - as long as I kept walking forward. I was so weak. I knew Jesus would never leave me, I just had no idea where we were going. Many of the fears that I had concerned the far-off future. Jennifer Eidson held my heart as I first spoke the what-if. She held me up and encouraged me when I was on the floor. Michelle Sanchez got me through many late nights when everyone else was in bed. Alice Worsham needed to see my eyeballs and look into my face as she assured me that our God had this. Debbie Roberts gave me time to be weird, and loved me and let me right back in when I was done with that. Tracy Moore was a rock sent straight from my Jesus to me. She listened to me say things she never thought would come out of my mouth, and she didn't judge me. She did, however, get me to the point where I needed to scream at Satan - just like in the haunted house. He had filled my head with lies, and he touched on every insecurity he could see. Finally, I was ready to move forward - eyes wide open- to see what the Lord was going to do in my life, and in the lives of my precious family.
I had more warriors in my journey who saw me everyday, and they made sure I walked my walk. Sherry Turner, Tyra Jordan, Tamar Thomas, Dian Gibbs, Shannon McCray, Jenny Barrett, Nicole Hays, and Colleen Lea supported me like they were truly my sisters. They let me cry, and then held me accountable to believe the promises I knew were true. Shea Friday came to my rescue, and taught my class and loved them as she loved me. My neighbors Lori Kersh, Jill Hayes, and Rachel Smith talked to me and supported me through encouragement - and promises of babysitting. :) Jesus knows my heart, y'all. He knows how much I love my friends. That is exactly who He used to show me that He would take care of me and my fear, and that He had a destiny for me to fulfill.
There are a host of other friends who helped me in so many ways. I appreciate ALL of you! So, you know the story of Aaron's birth already, now fast-forward to May. I came back for the last 5 weeks of school. I realized the Lord truly has put a love in my heart for teaching. I missed my class so much, and I was loving being back with them. I knew my time at Hilldale was coming to a close, and my last week of school was heart-wrenching. There was such a conflict going on inside me. I couldn't teach 5 days anymore because there was not a 5 day class for Aaron. All indications were saying I needed to find something else...somewhere else. I felt like I was moving far far away from my family, and it hurt!
So, I spent the summer putting in applications, going on interviews, getting my hopes up, and having doors close right on my nose. After walking through the fourth door, and thinking this was the one, I left all my ideas about what the Lord had for me in the lock of that door. I made it to my car before I burst into tears. I knew in my heart that I wasn't supposed to be at this place, but I was so confused. I told the Lord that I had no idea what He had in mind for me, and that I was getting scared, but that I trusted Him. I was so weary, not tired, weary. He knew our needs better than I did, and I was determined to trust Him with my eyes wide open!
Realize, friends, I had exhausted every option that I could think of that would work for Aaron and me. There was nothing else. I would have to brainstorm and maybe do more than one "job" that might not be as ideal. End of my road. Nothing. Then I found this verse, "The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly on him." Lamentations 3:25 I know you feel it... THEN, the next day I got a text. This is what it said, "Ash, call me ASAP!" - Dian, as in Dian Gibbs, Principal of Hilldale Christian School. Something had just come up, and she wanted to know if I'd be interested in a 2 or 3 day class. She still wasn't sure where she might need me. WOOOO HOOOOO!
So, the question of the summer is, why did I have to walk through all those doors only to have them close on me if I was going to go right back where I started? Well, let me answer that by sharing what my friend Debbie felt the Lord wanted her to share with me. :) "I know your deeds. See I have placed before you an open door that no man can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name." Revelation 3:8 Are you smiling? If I had not gone the route I went, I would not appreciate my new job the way I do. I had become too familiar, too complacent, and too complaining! I have a new stride in my step. The Lord is up to something, and I get to find out first hand what that is!
Many of you have prayed for me and my job, and I thank you! I wanted to share this little journey because I know so many of you are going through similar circumstances. Hang on! Even though you may not see the answer, He's got it all worked out for you. Let me say something that might be hard right here. Ladies, He has to be your Lord. He can be your Savior, and He can provide a "get out of jail free" card. If that's all you want, He won't force anything more. If that's not enough, if you're hungry and thirsty, and something deep inside of you is saying, "more, more", then surrender it all to Him. He wants the BEST for you, not the best you can do. I encourage you to seek Him, and put Him first. I can assure you, you've done much harder things in your life than surrendering your life to the One who created it in the first place. Oh, I used a lot of names in this blog. I could have said "friends", but each one of these ladies gave me something over this past year. Putting their names on the screen won't do much for them, but it will let them know, in case they have ever doubted, that I love them with every part of my heart. Now, they know, and you know. Jesus does the same with us. He calls us by name. He knows us, and He will let the world know that we are His. Let Him lead you! But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
Isaiah 43:1-7
Expectant,
Ashley
I remember going to the Jaycee's Haunted House when I was a teenager. I don't know why I went. I guess I wanted to prove that I could face my fear, and to show myself I could make it through. Well, I learned very quickly that I could hold on to Jill Phillips's shirt and I could close my eyes and still walk through this thing. Sarah Braswell was behind me, so I felt safe on that end. At one point a Freddy Krueger guy jumped out at us. Sarah and I got separated from the rest of our group. I couldn't close my eyes and see where I was going. Then, someone jumped out of a jail cell and tried to corner Sarah. At the same moment, one of the scaries caused me to bump into something, which knocked off my glasses. I was done. Yes, this was supposed to be scary, but I had had enough. I YELLED at the scaries. I told them to get away from Sarah, and that they better NOT touch me because they had already knocked off my glasses. Have you ever seen scaries in a haunted house look confused? My blood was boiling and I wasn't scared again through that stupid house. We all made it out in one piece, and our little group was together again.
The fear that I felt at this point last year was much the same. It crippled me for a bit. Then amazingly some really awesome friends allowed me to just close my eyes for a while - as long as I kept walking forward. I was so weak. I knew Jesus would never leave me, I just had no idea where we were going. Many of the fears that I had concerned the far-off future. Jennifer Eidson held my heart as I first spoke the what-if. She held me up and encouraged me when I was on the floor. Michelle Sanchez got me through many late nights when everyone else was in bed. Alice Worsham needed to see my eyeballs and look into my face as she assured me that our God had this. Debbie Roberts gave me time to be weird, and loved me and let me right back in when I was done with that. Tracy Moore was a rock sent straight from my Jesus to me. She listened to me say things she never thought would come out of my mouth, and she didn't judge me. She did, however, get me to the point where I needed to scream at Satan - just like in the haunted house. He had filled my head with lies, and he touched on every insecurity he could see. Finally, I was ready to move forward - eyes wide open- to see what the Lord was going to do in my life, and in the lives of my precious family.
I had more warriors in my journey who saw me everyday, and they made sure I walked my walk. Sherry Turner, Tyra Jordan, Tamar Thomas, Dian Gibbs, Shannon McCray, Jenny Barrett, Nicole Hays, and Colleen Lea supported me like they were truly my sisters. They let me cry, and then held me accountable to believe the promises I knew were true. Shea Friday came to my rescue, and taught my class and loved them as she loved me. My neighbors Lori Kersh, Jill Hayes, and Rachel Smith talked to me and supported me through encouragement - and promises of babysitting. :) Jesus knows my heart, y'all. He knows how much I love my friends. That is exactly who He used to show me that He would take care of me and my fear, and that He had a destiny for me to fulfill.
There are a host of other friends who helped me in so many ways. I appreciate ALL of you! So, you know the story of Aaron's birth already, now fast-forward to May. I came back for the last 5 weeks of school. I realized the Lord truly has put a love in my heart for teaching. I missed my class so much, and I was loving being back with them. I knew my time at Hilldale was coming to a close, and my last week of school was heart-wrenching. There was such a conflict going on inside me. I couldn't teach 5 days anymore because there was not a 5 day class for Aaron. All indications were saying I needed to find something else...somewhere else. I felt like I was moving far far away from my family, and it hurt!
So, I spent the summer putting in applications, going on interviews, getting my hopes up, and having doors close right on my nose. After walking through the fourth door, and thinking this was the one, I left all my ideas about what the Lord had for me in the lock of that door. I made it to my car before I burst into tears. I knew in my heart that I wasn't supposed to be at this place, but I was so confused. I told the Lord that I had no idea what He had in mind for me, and that I was getting scared, but that I trusted Him. I was so weary, not tired, weary. He knew our needs better than I did, and I was determined to trust Him with my eyes wide open!
Realize, friends, I had exhausted every option that I could think of that would work for Aaron and me. There was nothing else. I would have to brainstorm and maybe do more than one "job" that might not be as ideal. End of my road. Nothing. Then I found this verse, "The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly on him." Lamentations 3:25 I know you feel it... THEN, the next day I got a text. This is what it said, "Ash, call me ASAP!" - Dian, as in Dian Gibbs, Principal of Hilldale Christian School. Something had just come up, and she wanted to know if I'd be interested in a 2 or 3 day class. She still wasn't sure where she might need me. WOOOO HOOOOO!
So, the question of the summer is, why did I have to walk through all those doors only to have them close on me if I was going to go right back where I started? Well, let me answer that by sharing what my friend Debbie felt the Lord wanted her to share with me. :) "I know your deeds. See I have placed before you an open door that no man can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name." Revelation 3:8 Are you smiling? If I had not gone the route I went, I would not appreciate my new job the way I do. I had become too familiar, too complacent, and too complaining! I have a new stride in my step. The Lord is up to something, and I get to find out first hand what that is!
Many of you have prayed for me and my job, and I thank you! I wanted to share this little journey because I know so many of you are going through similar circumstances. Hang on! Even though you may not see the answer, He's got it all worked out for you. Let me say something that might be hard right here. Ladies, He has to be your Lord. He can be your Savior, and He can provide a "get out of jail free" card. If that's all you want, He won't force anything more. If that's not enough, if you're hungry and thirsty, and something deep inside of you is saying, "more, more", then surrender it all to Him. He wants the BEST for you, not the best you can do. I encourage you to seek Him, and put Him first. I can assure you, you've done much harder things in your life than surrendering your life to the One who created it in the first place. Oh, I used a lot of names in this blog. I could have said "friends", but each one of these ladies gave me something over this past year. Putting their names on the screen won't do much for them, but it will let them know, in case they have ever doubted, that I love them with every part of my heart. Now, they know, and you know. Jesus does the same with us. He calls us by name. He knows us, and He will let the world know that we are His. Let Him lead you! But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
Isaiah 43:1-7
Expectant,
Ashley
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